The Day I Stopped Chewing on Pens

What is it about children and gnawing?
   I have seen many a chewed pencil through the years. I suspect that any elementary school teacher has seen even more than I.
   Just as "Ralphie" in A Christmas Story was a connoisseur of soap, I was a connoisseur of writing implements.
   There's something delightful about sinking one's teeth into the wood of a Ticonderoga. First, there is the piercing through the paint, kind of like a candy coating. Then there is that spongy resistance that relents with gentle pressure. When the eraser has worn down, one can chew through the metal of the eraser holder, providing half as much eraser again.
   Bic pens provided variety. If a good wooden pencil were the crunchy-on-the-outside-chewy-on-the-inside treat, then the Bic was the hard candy. Oh, how the crack down the brittle plastic satisfied. My jaws had power and my teeth had the strength to sustain it! (Had my mother known, she would have offered her motherly admonition: "Don't use your teeth!" This warning covered everything from pistachios to "clam shell" plastic wrap.)
   Then came the Biro. It was a stick pen that didn't write really well, but the texture was like chewing old gum. They had an unequalled springy-ness to them.
   Then it happened.
   It was my freshman year of college. My cousin and I were in Physics 101 together. We both sat in the front. I sat next to him, hoping to absorb some of his engineering smarts. Shucks, he got A's in Chem 101 when everyone else was getting a 70 point curve added on to their scores! He was a good lab partner, too: veeerrrry patient with me.
   Sitting there in the front, desperately trying to understand something the professor was saying, I was chewing my Biro. Suddenly it shot out of my mouth, as if all the potential energy of every Biro created pushed it forth.
   The pen went in a beautiful trajectory and landed in front of my teacher. He picked it up and handed it to me, saying, "Don't throw things."
   I somehow made it through the rest of the class, trying to not laugh or cry for the next 30-40 minutes.
   I never chewed another pen.
   Anyone around here have some gum?